Gratitude, Prayer, and Personal Revelation

Well with Thanksgiving coming up I have been thinking a lot about gratitude and being thankful. I mentioned in my last post that I haven't been feeling well lately, and I have to admit that I haven't been as grateful to my Heavenly Father for everything that I do have as I should be. So here is a list of some things that I am thankful for:

1. My wonderful husband Chris, he takes such good care of me and I love him so much.

2. Eternal families-I love my family so much (my new family just as much) and am so thankful for the opportunity to be with them forever.

3. Temples-I have loved going back to the temple since I took out my own endowment-there is such a feeling of peace and comfort there.

4. Priesthood-Chris has given me 3, yes I think 3 blessings in the middle of the night since we got married (poor guy) :), and I am so thankful that I have that blessing in my life.

5. My job-I have really struggled lately with having to go to work because I haven't felt well but I am so grateful to have a good job with good benefits. Also I enjoy the people I work with and have made really good friends there.

I could go on and on but I think I will stop there so that this post doesn't go on for an eternity. :) I know that if we show our gratitude to the Lord for the blessings he gives us, we will be blessed.

Going along with this, I have been grateful for trials that I have in my life. Lately I have been feeling very frustrated with my health, but I know that we have these trials in our lives for a reason. Without this trial, I wouldn't have the strength or testimony that I do, and I wouldn't have a need to draw closer to my Heavenly Father. This morning I read a couple of conference talks since I was a little out of it during conference. I love the talk by J. Devn Cornish of the Seventy called "The Privilege of Prayer." It really helped me to know that I just need to be patient and things will be ok. He says,

"Little children, young people, and adults alike, please believe how very much your loving Heavenly Father wants to bless you. But because He will not infringe upon our agency, we must ask for His help. This is generally done through prayer. Prayer is one of the most precious gifts of God to man.

Sometimes we seem to get no answer to our sincere and striving prayers. It takes faith to remember that the Lord answers in His time and in His way so as to best bless us. Or, on further reflection, we will often realize that we already know full well what we should do.

Please do not be discouraged if this does not work for you all at once. Like learning a foreign language, it takes practice and effort. Please know, though, that you can learn the language of the Spirit, and when you do, it will give you great faith and power in righteousness.

I cherish the counsel of our beloved prophet, President Thomas S. Monson, who said: “To those within the sound of my voice who are struggling with challenges and difficulties large and small, prayer is the provider of spiritual strength; it is the passport to peace. Prayer is the means by which we approach our Father in Heaven, who loves us. Speak to Him in prayer and then listen for the answer. Miracles are wrought through prayer”

I have been praying for so many things lately: strength to go to work every day, praying that I can sleep well, feel better, and especially for emotional strength to be happy and not get so discouraged. I am grateful for these words to help me. Chris and I have also been trying to make decisions regarding work and school for him. I am just so thankful that we do not have to do it alone. Sister Barbara Thompson's talk called, "Personal Revelation and Testimony" also goes along with this. She says:

"The way to receive personal revelation is really quite clear. We need to desire to receive revelation, we must not harden our hearts, and then we need to ask in faith, truly believe that we will receive an answer, and then diligently keep the commandments of God.

Following this pattern does not mean that every time we ask a question of God, the answer will immediately appear with every detail of what to do. However, it does mean that if we diligently keep the commandments and ask in faith, answers will come in the Lord’s own way and in His time.

Our testimonies fortify us and strengthen us as we face challenges in our daily lives. Some people struggle with difficult health problems; some experience financial problems; others have challenges in their marriage or with their children; some suffer from loneliness or unfulfilled hopes and dreams. It is our testimony, combined with our faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and our knowledge of the plan of salvation, which helps to get us through these times of trial and hardship."

I am thankful for my doctors who are so concerned about me. Last week I had an appointment at the University of Utah with the nurse practitioner there that I've seen a couple times. Chris was able to go with me. We talked about basically the same things we've talked about before. She wants me to continue to do what Dr. Smith is having me do as far as prednisone. He's having me take 30 mg right now, and then go down to 25, and then jump down to 5 and start taking another steroid called Entocort that has about 1/10th the steroid in it that prednisone does. That way I can get off of it faster, which I will be really excited about. I hate that it makes me not sleep well and irritated. I am also taking an antibiotic right now that I think is helping. I've only tried it once before and it was only for a few days, so we are trying it for longer this time. The NP at the U of U said if this doesn't work then my next option is probably Remicaid, the medication that is only available in an IV. I would have to get it about every 6-8 weeks. It's something that I've talked about with doctors for 6 years and it's always been the last resort, but now it seems it is getting closer. She also is having me go back in December to have a sigmoidoscopy there in Utah. I had one in February here in Twin when I was in the hospital which didn't show much, but she wants to check again. She wants to make sure that they look above my pouch to make sure that there is not active ulcerative colitis still going on. Dr. Smith said he looked there but that he wants a second opinion. This sounds bad, but she's hoping that by December when I've tapered off the prednisone again I will get sick, and then the test will show something's wrong, and I do too. It's frustrating to feel so crummy when everything looks great. The NP in Utah brought up my weight and said that I looked a lot skinnier than last time she saw me (remember last time she was so proud that I had gained wt)! I admitted that yes, I have had a poor appetite and lost weight again. I have missed a lot of work lately too and have hardly any PTO hours (paid time off) left. That's not good. My boss is very understanding though so I am really lucky. I have felt better the past 3-4 days than I have since before I got married, so that's a good sign. I have decided that for whatever reason I just have to deal with this, so I might as well try to have a good attitude. It has been harder to deal with lately because it has just been so constant and won't get better, but I know it will eventually. Sorry if this post has too much complaining, I won't complain anymore after this. :) Just have to keep being patient, praying, and thanking the Lord for the wonderful things I do have in my life! :)